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Morton Kirk Archie (I Fucking Hate Toads) was born on May 3rd, 1966 in Guntersville, Alabama. His mother, Claire Biden Nashton, died shortly after his birth due to a mutated, pickle-sized tumor covering most of the left part of her brain. To cover the expenses from their mutual 230 acre corn farm, his father (Clayton Kirk Archie), applied to play the tube with the local orchestra in town. He was accepted after three attempts after which his skills grew and resounded throughout Guntersville, landing him a promotional record deal with Alab & Ama - Music For Weddings, Parties, Birthdays and Strip Clubs LLG. in early 1968.

However, after only selling 146 copies of his debut single: “Love Is Calling, Hate Is Answering”, he sold the farm in late 1969 and moved to a smaller one near Jackson, Mississippi. Here, he remained a corn farmer, but also became a huntsman and plumber as a supplement. 

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Being a child in 70’s Jackson was not easy for Morton. His father had gradually been feeling more and more powerless through the years due to his shrinking economy and instrumental resume and had begun to drink on a daily basis (which gave him the name Bailey Boy). From time to time, he was also caught kissing minors at the local pub without their consent. Names such as: “Nasty Kid”, “Broke Scum”, “Mazda Morton” (his dad drove one) and “Kid O’ Pedophile” were commonly yelled at little Morton whenever he visited town. In grade school, Morton mostly received D’s and F’s due to undiagnosed dyslexia - according to himself - and he was then declared “Not Fit For College” in 1978. 

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Sadly, the Principal of Morton’s school was brutally shot and killed on his way to his car later that very same dame. A whole M1 Garand magazine had been emptied at his poor soul. Rumors has it that Clayton had shot him with his gun, which was the exact same model, but this has never been proved. However, it is a widely known fact that Clayton spit at the principal’s grave at his funeral. So did Morton. After this, Morton was then permanently expelled from the opportunity of any potential acceptance to any school in the country. 

Left without any opportunity to receive an academical ground, Morton was taught in the arts of hunting and farming by his dad. 

In the summer of 1980, Clayton invited his 29 year old half-sister, Miss Elvira, whom he had an affair with 15 years earlier, to live with him and Morton. She accepted. Elvira was a third rank blues singer from the slum. Nonetheless, she brought lots of joy, laughter, music and pleasure to Clayton. Mainly because of her love, Clayton took up his passion for music once more and taught his son to play the tube. Very pleasantly, Morton showed immediate interest for both instruments and vocals, and quickly developed a growing experience by playing various instruments. In 1981, he even went 31st among all 15 year olds at the Ongo Bongo Contest Mississippi with a guitar solo. 

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His late teens would eventually pass by very slowly. Being quite isolated with just his father and "aunt" at the tiny farmhouse without any ties to peers and no opportunity to get away, he began writing blues music. In the beginning, Elvira would sing many of the deep vocals, but with time he started doing them himself. 

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Elvira had no job, and her presence started to make the family’s economy overly tight. To save money, Clayton would often bring home some toads from the nearby swamp, cook- and serve them. Morton hated them. He fucking hated them. Also, Elvira was suffering from a mild version of Downs Syndrome (as her parents were siblings), making her act overly immature against the young Morton. She would lick at his face, point his nose and call him “Toad eater” many times a day. She also begged Clayton so much for a dog that he spent most of his savings buying one. This act made Morton so angry that he shot at her after coming home from a long day’s hunt. He hit her once in the right collarbone and twice in her right breast. This case is referred to by the police as the: “1985 Mississippi Mongol Hunt” and still remains unsolved as there are currently not enough ressources to cover such minor trivialities in the Mississippi Police Force. After all, she did not die. But she was left a cripple and moved to a treatment facility right after, which she has never left since.

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The act gave him a tremendous amount of attention throughout the county. Both foe and friends flocked to visit him and talk to him about the incident. Newspapers wrote about him, photo journalists took pictures of him. Even the local anarcho capitalistic independent political party, led by the anonymous AnarchoCapitalistLover44, greeted him with huge respect as he had shown the world to “Be free and say no to (handicapped) women before it was too late.” 

In 1987, when Morton was 21 years old, he met the fair Mariah whom he married at age 22 in 1988. This 15 year old beauty became a muse to him, and he instantly wrote the 30 second ballad “the beat of love” when coming home from their wedding trip to Kentucky. He tried to get the song published many places. Most of them turned him down, yet one record label, partly driven by negro keyboard enthusiast, Johnny LaFay, showed interest. LaFay saw an endless potential in the 22 year old. Previously, Mr. LaFay had discovered talents such as Louisiana-Louis-Lollipop and had composed tunes such as: “Grab A Burrito And Go Nuts” or “Die And Let Live” - the last one earning a #98 spot at the “Upcoming Mississippi Madness Radio” with more than 500 copies sold. 

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LaFay did not just see a single-potential in Morton. He wanted to sign him for a whole album - and he wanted to be featured on the lead single himself. Until this day, Johnny LaFay has never ever done a physical feature on a record besides from his single with Morton. Morton came up with the artist name “I Fucking Hate Toads” and the song was named “i woke up this morning”. It covers a fictive scenario in which Morton pictures a day where everything goes wrong - he loses his wife, he loses his dad and he loses his dog. LaFay found the lyrics very touching and decided to invest half of his savings to fund a tour with Morton. However, his money only got them to the 4th of July Festival in Atlanta in 1989 as a warmup act where 190 visitors came. He then knew that I Fucking Hate Toads needed another smash hit single to take Morton even further. 

His prayers were somewhat heard when the fair Mariah actually decided to divorce her husband, which gave Morton the needed inspiration for the blues: “my heart is bleeding”. The song went #106 on the Jackson Jingles Chart. It also received two mediocre column reviews by retired journalists.

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Johnny, being an artistic pioneer and guru, knew that he needed to bring forth his artist even more. Rather quickly, he arranged a feature from AnarchoCapitistLover44 as a speaker and a Ku Klux Klam Member as an audio engineer to produce the interlude: “introduction to anarcho capitalism.” The track was funded by the Anarcho Capitalistic fund which wanted to support the production of the whole album economically if it was titled: ”CAPITAL LETTERS” and displayed their banner as the cover. Morton himself then wrote, sung and produced the tunes: “rough times” and “madman’s blues”, having the complete album ready at the end of 1990. The 5th of January, 1991, the album: “CAPITAL LETTERS”, consisting of 6 tracks, was released. 

The release ended up as an overly tasteless flop. It was expected to sell at least 1000 copies in its first week, but only sold 14. Two of these copies were bought by police officers who examined the interlude by AnarchoCapitalistLover44. Due to the Federal Code it was (and still is) illegal to degrade the female gender through music powered by the government’s financial Political Party support - which had funded the Anarcho Capitalist Party for years. He then received eight years in prison and the album was taken away from all stores. At the time, the album had almost sold 30 CD’s. 

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Johnny LaFay was furious. He had invested $30,000 into the distribution and had more than 4000 CD’s still laying around. Therefore, he and Morton went to the streets and sold them directly to pedestrians passing by. At the end of spring in 2004, all of the CD’s were finally sold. Morton was now 38 years old, had now education, no social network and still worked and lived with his dad. LaFay had turned 70 and had been forced to quit his position at the record label in 2002 due to old age and a lack of return on investment. “CAPITAL LETTERS” had been their one and only shot to make it, but it had taken 13 years to sell just above 4000 copies. LaFay turned into an alcoholic the following year and gradually lost his hard earned money through his drinking and gambling. 

Morton, being very bitter at his long lost opportunity for succes, committed several rapes and thefts through the 2000’s and was arrested more than ten times through the years. He never served jail-time due to a lack of ressources from the Mississippi Police Force though. 

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In 2016, right after Morton had turned 50, and more than 12 years after his failed album release with Johnny LaFay - which had led him to lose contact with him, he was contacted by LaFay once more. The 82 year old keyboard specialist and negro was in a heavy lack of money and had made a $100,000 debt which he needed to pay back as soon as possible. He received daily threats from his unauthorized banker, he told. He explained to Morton how the two of them could republish the album on SoundCloud, making passive income through “streams”. 

At first, Morton felt too bitter to take up the album launch yet a second time, but in the summer of 2017, CAPITAL LETTERS was once more to be found other places than in the streets of Jackson. 

The album never reached a number of streams so high that SoundCloud allowed it for monetization, but nonetheless four pubs booked I Fucking Hate Toads to perform. Two of the shows were cancelled, but the other two brought in lots of experience and inspiration to Morton and LaFay. For the next three years, they performed in the streets for cash - often generating 50 bucks a week. 

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In 2021, after collecting a few thousand dollars to be spent on studio time, Morton decided to write and produce the EP “Country Living”. What happened to be the inspiration for this project, sadly, was the death of his beloved father, Clayton, who died in a car accident in his Mazda the year before - making Morton take over- and manage the farm. Other than this, Morton had married two girls at age 18 and 19 in 2020, who both functioned as inspirational sources for the EP’s opening track “I Love My Gun” where he fantasizes about killing and eating one of them for dinner. Here, he also mentions the gunfire aimed at his aunt. The EP is the first country project from I Fucking Hate Toads and is the first project that is not featured by LaFay nor partly produced by his long, curvy black fingers. However, as of today, the now 87 year old Mr. LaFay and the 55 year old I Fucking Hate Toads singer, Morton, are still very close friends. 

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A joint project is expected to hit SoundCloud within the near future.